I’m (still) struggling to find a balance. Between work, exercise, relaxing, food prep, pet care, getting enough sleep, and writing. We work too much in this country. We incentivize people to put in long hours at work, but it’s not healthy to work 50 or 60 or more hours per week. I wish more employers cared for the wellbeing of their employees. Well-rested people who have time to do the things they love and be with those they love are happier, more productive people. Really, it should be a win-win. But a lot of things aren’t the way (I think) they should be, and the list of those things is longer and more tragic than I have the energy to get into tonight.
I’m tired of how our society as a whole treats people.
With my somber mood tonight, this will be another short one:
“I want to drink your blood,” Dominic deadpans.
At first Joshua thinks Dominic is actually a vampire but then he sees the slight upward turn at the corner of his mouth and realizes he’s joking.
“Vampires aren’t real, Joshua.”
Sometimes you can do your best and you won’t get the results you want. Sometimes you can do your best and it won’t feel like it. Try to remember that your best changes from day to day. Your best today may be better than your best yesterday while tomorrow it may not be. If we’re struggling to do better then the best we can hope for is an overall upward trajectory across our lives.
This weekend I went to Rohnert Park (in the Bay Area) to visit my mom and uncle and celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and I loved seeing them. I’d fully planned on posting yesterday evening but then I spent an hour looking for my favorite ring, which I put in a “safe place” when I moved. Hilariously, and rather predictably, I found all the other jewelry that I don’t explicitly remember putting in a “safe place.”
Today’s gotten a bit away from me too so this will be really short.
“It’s a safe house in 2019. Of course there’s WiFi.”
Recently there have been several signs that my thyroid has slipped back into overactive territory. The most aggravating sign is that I’ll be trying to fall asleep, drifting off to sleep, or actually asleep, when suddenly adrenaline will shoot through me, yanking me into wide-awake-fullness. It won’t be prompted by anything obvious (this isn’t happening when I’m thinking anxious thoughts or having nightmares; I’ll be totally relaxed and then HEY!!!! ADRENALINE!!!!)
As a result, I haven’t been sleeping that well. I’ve also been tracking my (restless) sleep with a Fitbit that a good friend gave me. Both of these things are prompting me to get serious about keeping a strict bedtime again. This is why I haven’t posted everyday recently and it’s something that will probably continue for the foreseeable future. Fortunately, my standing appointment with my endocrinologist is coming up soon.
That’s it for now. I’m sitting in the dark, typing this in dark mode on a way dimmed down phone, and will be off to bed as soon as I post. Here’s wishing you more restful sleep than I’ve been having recently.
This weekend I went to Fresno for a wedding. Between that and being sick, I haven’t had the time/energy to post. I mostly seem to be down to a cough and I’ve caught up on my finances tonight (rent is obscenely expensive) so I thought I’d continue Red:
“Were you dreaming?” Dominic asks he’s own question instead of answering Joshua’s.
Joshua tells him.
“She’s alive because you brought her back.”
“What!? No, I didn’t. How the fuck would I bring her back? Back from where?”
Tsubasa returns her attention to Dominic, nosing against his hand. Dominic finally greets her, scratching behind her ears and petting her snout. “It’s good to see you, Tsu. Sorry about the ambush.”
Tsubasa barks once, wagging her tail.
Joshua sighs. Loudly. Exasperatedly. “You know I don’t talk to exercise my voice, right?”
It may not seem like it but I have been working on my blog the last several days – small functionality updates that took way too much time because WordPress and PHP are pains. I’d planned to get back to Red today but last night I had my worst night since February 20th and I’m exhausted. Also (minorly) sick. The good news is that these kinds of nights used to be more frequent. It’s pretty amazing that it’s been since February. I’ll feel better about that tomorrow after more sleep.
I’m going to leave you with a favorite part from my favorite current poet and the first poem I ever read/heard by him:
And if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
Get a better mirror
Look a little closer
Stare a little longer
Because there’s something inside you
That made you keep trying
Despite everyone who told you to quit
– Shane Koyczan, “To This Day”
On Friday I finished getting my edits and notes from my last read through into the computer. On Saturday and Sunday I battled the novel’s timeline – by which I literally mean the amount of time that passes between events. When I first wrote the novel it took place in a much shorter time period – less than a year – and now it takes place over almost four years. There were still references to time that were from the original timeline. I figured it out but it honestly sucked and was probably the least amount of fun I have ever had working on this novel – meaning I didn’t enjoy it at all.
Since I’ve been working pretty exclusively on my novel the last two weekends, I took the time this evening to get caught up on my finances and do some laundry (I’d really rather be working on the novel – now that the timeline business is taken care of I can have fun again). However, clean clothes are good and knowing how much money I have left to spend this month is, you know, the responsible adult thing.
All of that said, I have no creative blurb for the night. I will get back to that tomorrow.
I wasn’t able to post yesterday because my website was partially down – some people could access it but I couldn’t. <sarcasm>Yay for changing domain registrars without updating the DNS.</sarcasm>
Finished getting my edits and notes for Part Two in tonight. Once I get Part Three in, I have several things to fix. I think I’m going to start with the timeline. Originally this novel was going to take place over much less time than it does. It’s been extended, but not everywhere so there are still places where it talks about months passing when it’s been over a year. It’s not going to be difficult to fix but it is going to be tedious. I love my writing app but I can’t just tell it to find every single reference to the passage of time. Maybe someday.
Moving on to some Red fun:
“What the hell does that mean?” Joshua demands.
“Creatures from the in-between have tremendous power.,” Dominic explains. “That power doesn’t die with them, it gets released. If they die in the in-between it gets reabsorbed into the balance. If they die in your world, it finds the nearest compatible host.” He frowns. “You shouldn’t have been compatible.”
Joshua can’t help but think of software and hardware. The comparison doesn’t reassure him. “Why not?”
“Humans are weak. The power would burn most of them.”
“I… So I’m strong for a human?”
Dominic opens his mouth, shuts it, and nods. “Yeah,” he says eventually. “We’re not safe out
Entered my edits and notes for Chapter 8 through Chapter 16 of Part One and Chapter 1 of Part Two. I had less time to work on the novel today because of annoying adult responsibilities like having to make food and wash dishes. The struggle is real.
I’m thinking of calling my recent Joshua/Dominic or Joshua & Dominic writings Red, after the color theme that’s emerged across the images and text.
Dominic catches Joshua before his legs give out and lowers him to the ground, prizing the blade from his hand to set it on the dirt beside them.
The light is gone. Joshua feels a tingling throughout his body, stronger in his head, and then he doesn’t hurt anymore. The pain from the car accident injuries is gone. He touches his forehead, exploring. His fingers still come back sticky with blood but it doesn’t seem to be flowing and he can’t find a cut.
It’s not until Dominic waves a hand in front of Joshua’s face that he realizes Dominic is speaking, that Dominic has been speaking this whole time. There’s a buzzing. Now that he’s aware of it, it’s all Joshua can focus on. What is it? There’s nothing out here except for their wrecked car and the smoldering remains of whatever Joshua just killed.
Abruptly, it’s gone.
“Can. You. Hear. Me?”
“I can now,” Joshua says. “What just happened?”
“You absorbed the power of a wraith from the in-between.”
Working full time and going to bed early really get in the way of finishing a novel. I’ve input my edits and comments for the first seven chapters. There are several chores that I would normally have handled over the weekend that still aren’t done. Looking at my upcoming weekends in bulk, I have a lot of plans that are going to get in the way of my novel. It looks like it’s mostly going to be evenings after work for a while.
Before I forget what I envisioned happening next from my Joshua/Dominic (or maybe Joshua & Dominic) blurbs:
The scream it gives is bone piercing. I fall to my knees, almost pass out again from the way it digs into my headache. It’s fear that keeps me conscious. Not fear of this beast because it’s already dissolving to ash, but fear of whatever is making Dominic shout at me.
I can’t make out his words though and I don’t know what he wants me to do. Then the red light comes, emanating from the dead thing’s remains and pouring into…me.