I’m (still) struggling to find a balance. Between work, exercise, relaxing, food prep, pet care, getting enough sleep, and writing. We work too much in this country. We incentivize people to put in long hours at work, but it’s not healthy to work 50 or 60 or more hours per week. I wish more employers cared for the wellbeing of their employees. Well-rested people who have time to do the things they love and be with those they love are happier, more productive people. Really, it should be a win-win. But a lot of things aren’t the way (I think) they should be, and the list of those things is longer and more tragic than I have the energy to get into tonight.
I’m tired of how our society as a whole treats people.
With my somber mood tonight, this will be another short one:
“I want to drink your blood,” Dominic deadpans.
At first Joshua thinks Dominic is actually a vampire but then he sees the slight upward turn at the corner of his mouth and realizes he’s joking.
“Vampires aren’t real, Joshua.”
A short one tonight:
Joshua tries to keep his surprise from showing and mostly succeeds. He is not able to swallow his blurting out of the first question that pops into his head. “What are you?”
I feel like I should go back and show how Joshua and Dominic met. When I wrote that first scene I wasn’t planning for it to turn into a story.
I’ll have to think of something suitable.
Meanwhile, from where we left off:
“Just how closely do you think they’ll be spying on her? If I send her a text telling her I’m okay and asking her to delete the text right away, would they be looking close enough to see it?”
“I thought you were trying to reassure her. Asking her to delete the text sounds strange and ominous.”
“Stranger than the week I’ve had?”
“Of course not, but strange in the context of a familial relationship. Unless something like this has happened before and she will therefore understand that it’s not safe for her to know what’s going on and simultaneously not be alarmed by that?”
Joshua sighs. Loudly. “Wouldn’t it be better than her thinking I’m dead?”
Dominic considers this.
Joshua frowns at how long Dominic appears to be thinking this over. “I mean, wouldn’t any mom rather know her kid is alive?”
“I would not know. I did not have one.”
Sometimes you can do your best and you won’t get the results you want. Sometimes you can do your best and it won’t feel like it. Try to remember that your best changes from day to day. Your best today may be better than your best yesterday while tomorrow it may not be. If we’re struggling to do better then the best we can hope for is an overall upward trajectory across our lives.
Joshua sleeps for 14 hours and he doesn’t dream. Waking groggy and bleery eyed, he finds Tsubasa curled up next to him on top of the blanket, eyes open and watching him.
“Did he ask you to look after me?” He asks around a yawn.
She wags her tail.
He scratches her head before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and making his way to the bathroom. Later, they find Dominic in the kitchen, making scrambled eggs.
“So it’s a safe house with WiFi and fresh food?”
“Magic,” Dominic responds simply.
“It’s magic WiFi?”
Dominic smiles briefly. “It’s magic that keeps the food fresh.”
“I had no idea what I was missing out on.”
“Your mom called at least ten more times.”
That sobers Joshua quickly. He slept 14 hours while his mom spent the night thinking he’s dead. “Shit. I did to do something to let her know I’m alive.”
They pass several minutes in silence. Joshua’s trying to think of the strongest memories from his childhood, of funny things he said that his mom would recognize and no one else would remember. Nothing’s coming to mind. He’s very tired.
After Joshua’s fifth yawn, Dominic speaks. “You should go to sleep.”
“What about dreams and my accidental powers?”
“I can make sure you don’t dream.”
“Have you seen movies or shows with vampires?”
“Yeah…” Joshua doesn’t know why this is relevant.
“I can compel humans.”
“That’s sweet of you.”
Dominic raises his eyebrows at the word ‘sweet.’
Joshua ignores him. “But none of this is actually your fault. You couldn’t have known how things were going to go down. My mom though… If I could get a message to her that no one else would recognize as being from me… would that work?”
“Perhaps. What do you have in mind?”
“I don’t know. Let me see if I can think of something. Unfortunately, I haven’t been leading some kind of secret agent life where I created code words with my mom.”
Joshua’s mouth thins to a hard line as he reads the posts plastered on his mom’s Facebook wall. Her friends are very concerned about the explosion that happened in the apartment building where her son lives. The news pieces can’t say the cause of the explosion – the police investigation is just starting – but Joshua builds a narrative that makes sense.
“When they ambushed you at home there must have been a separate team waiting for me at my place, except I wasn’t there because I was on my way to check on you. With rush hour I knew it’d be faster to walk so I left my car at home. The explosion happened hours ago and since she hasn’t heard from me she’s terrified I died when my building went up in flames.” He recites this litany in a monotone, like it’s ancient history about people he never knew.
“I’m so very sorry to have gotten you caught up in this,” Dominic whispers, eyes focused on the carpet at his feet where Tsubasa has stretched out. “I will fix this.”
This weekend I went to Rohnert Park (in the Bay Area) to visit my mom and uncle and celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was a lot of fun and I loved seeing them. I’d fully planned on posting yesterday evening but then I spent an hour looking for my favorite ring, which I put in a “safe place” when I moved. Hilariously, and rather predictably, I found all the other jewelry that I don’t explicitly remember putting in a “safe place.”
Today’s gotten a bit away from me too so this will be really short.
“It’s a safe house in 2019. Of course there’s WiFi.”
Recently there have been several signs that my thyroid has slipped back into overactive territory. The most aggravating sign is that I’ll be trying to fall asleep, drifting off to sleep, or actually asleep, when suddenly adrenaline will shoot through me, yanking me into wide-awake-fullness. It won’t be prompted by anything obvious (this isn’t happening when I’m thinking anxious thoughts or having nightmares; I’ll be totally relaxed and then HEY!!!! ADRENALINE!!!!)
As a result, I haven’t been sleeping that well. I’ve also been tracking my (restless) sleep with a Fitbit that a good friend gave me. Both of these things are prompting me to get serious about keeping a strict bedtime again. This is why I haven’t posted everyday recently and it’s something that will probably continue for the foreseeable future. Fortunately, my standing appointment with my endocrinologist is coming up soon.
That’s it for now. I’m sitting in the dark, typing this in dark mode on a way dimmed down phone, and will be off to bed as soon as I post. Here’s wishing you more restful sleep than I’ve been having recently.